LeishBlog

Coming home on the train on Tuesday night I felt we paused a little too long at a station about 3 stops from my joint…a little too long meaning 25 minutes. I was happy off in ipod land for a time, fantasizing and vaguing out, but eventually I grew impatient for the marvellous spread of toast and avocadoes that awaited me at home. A crumby announcement was broadcast throughout the train telling us to ‘get off’.So like sheep we trudged off only to be told,

‘Hello city rail passengers and other idiots…the driver and other crew on the train have had a disagreement and have decided that in order to not delay any other trains they have to terminate this service’.

It was so ridiculous that I laughed. The business dude next to me surprised me with a passionate outburst.

‘Jesus Christ, that’s the worst fucking excuse I’ve heard yet. What fucks!’

I nearly asked for his number….he spoke my language!

I think this week on average has been one of the more exciting working weeks of my life. I have worked pretty hard, but the best thing is feeling an amazing sense of fulfilment at what I have achieved. I was asked to do a freelance TV gig for a great production company that make a hell of a lot of comedy shows. It was a 2 day gig that went to 3 and then 4 days. I got to write and brain storm with the coolest people and they took me seriously and wanted to hear what I thought about their TV show. It was pretty surreal. I would love to blab on about who I met and what I did but I want to be asked back again so I am going to use some tact and say that I really admired the team and sitting across from one of Australians best comedians and him saying that he thought my work was great was one of the most thrilling moments.

I think the best thing is that I got to prove my abilities as a writer and a researcher and I was treated like part of the team. Mega cool. (not one of my most talented phrases).

I floated home yesterday after I talked to the head of the production company about a couple of show ideas that I have had and that I am working on with Celeste and Tom. The funny thing was that I was saying that we were going to enter one of the show ideas in a pitching comp…he said ‘well before you do that you should bring it to us!!!’

Fuck man. It still makes me laugh.

Note to self, make TV show idea real good.

I think even with the stress and shit that I went through earlier in the year I couldn’t have dreamt up the opportunities that I have been given. Really since I was about 9, when I first watched an episode of French and Saunders, all I have ever anted to do was write and perform comedy on TV. I bloody live and breath production notes, who is doing what, who is funding what, who is crewing what……blah lah blah.

This afternoon before I left the production company Nick, the head of the company asked me if I would like to visit the set of their new show Stupid Stupid Man, series 2. Ah like yes please

For me being on set is a bit of a drug. I love being around actors and crew and feeling the creative energy. This show is full of fantastic actors…..Wayne Hope, Bob Franklin, Matthew Newton…mental! They were all there. I sat with the director, had a chat, watched the scene being shot. Matthew Newton introduced himself, lovely stuff. I also had a great talk to Bob Franklin about getting funding for a film he has written! (Sadly I don’t have the money to fund it!). While I was talking to him I couldn’t help but think how much he reminded me of my mate Ted. It was quite mesmerising and weird. I was just totally in awe of it all, while also trying to act like it was something I do each day. Friends will be happy to know I didn’t lunge and anyone and I didn’t say anything overly inappropriate……I know unusual for me. Now a change of subject. I had an excellent night on Saturday with Trent and Claire. We dined real fine and there were many interesting moments…..one of which was in the cab on the way home. We were chatting away and as we drove across the bridge I glanced across to one of the big hotels and saw a lucky couple having sex in the window. Instinctively I said,

Aleisha
Oh my God, look Sex in the window!!!’

Trent
What?

Aleisha
Sex…Oh my god they are really going for it…up there(I point vaguely out of the window)

Claire
What? Where?

Aleisha
Sex….in the window!

Cab dirver

Where is de sexy?

Aleisha

Never mind…you just missed sex in the window…..I am so jealous right now..

And I was. Lucky shits. But also voyeurs, well maybe they aren’t the voyeurs and I am but it’s not like I deliberately went looking for people having sex in the window…perhaps they are better described as exhibitionists. Well good on them. Lastly my time alone at home has come to an end with the homecoming of the delectable Sarah Macca.Welcome home Sarah. We had a chicks night tonight with a bottle of Sav Blanc and perused her India photos. They were spectacular. So much colour and so many funny stories of her and Kath being harassed by Indian men. It is so lovely to have her home. Now we just need Mick Macca home to complete the three Macca Experience. (For those who don’t know our house is total Macca ville with all three of our names starting with Mc and all of us being called Macca in our everyday lives.) Well actually the only person that ever got away with calling me Macca was Charles Wooley. Even at social events he would introduce me as Maccas…Senator blah blah this is Maccas…..I would then discreetly say ‘um….actually you can call me Aleisha if you would prefer!’
Ah Wooley. He is one of my favourite people. He has a great sense of humour and can always make me laugh. The day I officially became single Wooley took me to a little café in Hobart. I was being so strong. I didn’t cry at work. It was a monster effort. I sat in this café and he said,
‘For fucks sake Maccas stop being such a bloke.’

And then I cried like a girl.
He then said 2 of the most poignant things that a guy has ever said to me. The first (and this was said with total respect and charm and without any suspect undertones)
‘Maccas, if I was 30 years younger I would whisk you off to Paris right now because that’s the sort of guy you deserve in your life, someone that will treat you like that!’ and then in the next sentence he said, ‘You will never remember the pain of heartbreak like you feel it right now. You should cherish it, because each day you will feel a little bit better and you will forget the full force of misery that you are experiencing. Go home and write it all down. You’re a journo (flattering coming from him!) Don’t let go of it, use it!’

My response

‘Fuck of Wooley, I just cancelled my wedding, I think I want to die,’

Yeah well, he was right. We don’t cherish the moment enough. I am not saying that I ever want to recall that pain again, because I fucking well don’t, but I do feel that one day I will be sitting back thinking, geeze I would love to feel the anticipation of a new relationship again or the expectations that I felt when starting a new job or meeting someone for the first time and feeling that great connection. It’s all magic and we should be appreciative. Well that’s what I think anyway…thanks to my mate Wooley.

Blah bloo blah

L

Writing this blog for me is cathartic. Someone at work asked where I find the time to sit and drone on about the everyday so often. It’s usually in front of the TV. I am the ultimate TV kid. Most of my uni assignments and life decisions have been made with the monotonous hum of infomercials playing in the background. It’s not that I actually watch the TV all the time, I just like the noise.

When I was 7, I lived in England with my mother. She worked full time and when holidays came I stayed at home alone (mainly because she was a tight arse and didn’t want to pay for child care). In hindsight leaving a 7 year old home in the middle of London could be considered irresponsible parenting but I lived) and the only time I remember being worried was when I became suddenly ill and threw up in the lounge room and there was no one there to help me.

Mum used to tape TV shows for me to watch in the day. I was frustrated because she would tape the shows that she liked, like murder mysteries but hit pause when they showed dead bodies, boobs etc.

I used to find this incredibly frustrating because with the pauses the programs often made no sense. Another stellar moment in parenting….Good one Marg.

Regina Spektor sums it up nicely in her song Consequence of Sounds:

And we keep on paying those freaks on the TV,
Who claim they will save us but want to enslave us.
And sweating like demons they scream through our speakers
But we leave the sound on ’cause silence is harder.

Silence is hard. I suppose that’s why most of us walk around plugged into ipods for most of the day. Our own thoughts can be scary sometimes…trust me I know!

Last night was pretty interesting. I was invited to the Telstra Business Awards which was held at the Hilton in the city. I’ve been to a couple of the Telstra functions and you will be happy to know that the exuberant cost of your phone bill goes into to producing a couple of swanky functions for the countries business elite. Yipee.

My first issue of the evening was getting dressed about 10 minutes before I was due to leave and discovering that none of my clothes fitted. This was shit. Although I was chuffed about loosing weight, it was an inopportune time to realise that none of my ‘black tie’ attire were going to cut it. Had a mild melt down while flinging clothes. around the bedroom. Eventually settled on quite boring skirt tight top combo and bright beads. I was disappointed also to realise that my bras were a little too roomy, as usual you loose the weight from all of the wrong places…..fuck it.

(Note to self buy more clothes…or put weight back on)

My date for the evening was positive Simone who looked positively stunning! We discussed pretending to be a lesbian couple for the night to add a bit of spice, but her wedding rings gave us away pretty quickly. Shame.

We were on the look out for potential Aleisha husbands. The only one that caught my eye was a dude that looked like Lachlan Murdoch who won an award but then spent half of his speech talking about his ‘beautiful wife’…cross that one off the list. We also considered placing a PA announcement during entrée. I can imagine Simone tapping on the microphone.

“Attention eligible bachelors…you are all looking lovely this evening…could you please make your way to the foyer for inspection by Aleisha!”

I would then walk along the line scrutinizing the tuxedoed men…

“No, no, next, dream on buddy, maybe, no…show me your teeth…no, defiantly not…is that a wedding ring? Move on please, No.”

We sat on the media table who are always a rowdy bunch. No one to impress and if anyone looks at you because you are being loud you simple pretend to be writing something down and death stare them. They look away fearful it is about them.

There were a couple of surprises throughout the show. Rove was the MC and I am usually pretty scathing of his TV show but I must say he did a stellar job last night. He had a nice anti corporate anti Liberal thing going, which was great because fatty boombala Minister Joe Hockey was in the audience. Joe looked like a member of the Mafioso and used his speech as an election platform…….booooooooo……nothing surprising here.

Simone’s quote of the night

“Leisha, Rove’s free…you like funny guys! Go and talk to him!’

“Dear lord Simone….no….no, I’m not even going to even answer that..”

A couple of minutes into the awards a bloke on the table next to ours collapsed. Someone actually stood up and said “Is there a doctor in the house?” which I’ve never seen before. He was in a pretty bad way. They paused the awards and called the ambulance. What really annoyed me was that people stood around gawking, getting in the way of the ambos and I was horrified to see some ignoramus taking a photo of the guy with his camera phone. It was sick. I really hope the man is Ok.

To make the evening more interesting our table began to take bets on who we thought was going to win…it got a bit disorderly towards the end of the night. Toby, the guy next to me was on a winning streak and totally kicked our arses. He got so into it by the end, when they announced the winner (which he picked) you would have sworn that it was his company, he jumped up out of his seat, punched the air, whooped it up. For a moment it looked like he was going to get up with the winners.

We were bad. But then again I don’t think I have been to a corporate function where the table I have been on hasn’t been told to shut up…….surprising this is not.

Simone and I snuck out while the gig was ending with a couple of live songs from ‘Human Nature’ spew!!!

As we left the hotel we passed a Lamborghini Diablo and a very shiny Ferrari parked out the front……I considered waiting to see who owned these stellar pieces of machinery but too be honest I was more interested in the cars that the men with small cocks that drove them!

After a bit of drooling…I very unglamorously took the train home!

Tonight Trent Claire and I are hitting the town on the Pharmacy’s credit card. Should be interesting and no doubt you will hear about it.

Party on Wayne.

(also I am V excited about Rage Against the machine touring: bet some of you wouldn’t have guessed that.)

L

I had a full day yesterday, I worked and then headed into the city to meet positive Simone to have dinner and watch a free movie, one of the sort of perks of my job (or nearly non job). I decided to have a feminine day and wore heels. Mild mistake. I’m usually pretty good strutting around but unfortunately I got a little bit too cocky whilst walking thought the slippery, shiny floors of the Macquarie Shopping centre. I had my ipod on, it was rocking, I was checking out the bogans wearing slippers in public and then I slipped and I went arse over. Yet another humiliating experience to add to Aleisha’s many thousands. The only thing that was damaged was my ego and I spent the rest of the night walking like a geisha, hesitantly shuffling along. But it could have been worse. Even with my clumsy walking habits I like wearing heels…occasionally walking with the tall people, checking out what they see, it’s really a different world up there. Lucky tall people!

Simone and I shared some wagammama noodles and then watched the Nanny Diaries…with Scarlett Johansson, she’s hot but the film was not. It wasn’t terrible but it has been compared to The Devil Wears Prada…and Prada it is not. Also Yesterday Simon from work told a killer story that I have to repeat as I and I believe it celebrates the appropriate use of mild cyber stalking. Simon and his flatmate pulled a bit of a swiftie and advertised their spare room to rent… which if successful would leave them paying about three peanuts for their rooms. Clever boys.

They interviewed a girl who had a lovely personality, appeared to have a good job and credit history. After she left they decided that they would offer her the room but Simon said that there was something about the girl that was just a bit too good, so much so that he got up in the middle of the night and googled her. No luck there. He then popped her name into myspace and hey presto found her page. Well, here is a small sample of some of the lovely comments on this dear pets page …silly girl!

-take me out of ur top friends u fucking slut, we r no longer friends
with wat u have done to me my mum my friends etc, u have lied and
deceived everyone, u r a whore.
-People sarah owes money 2….me $2 500 for furniture u got in my name plus $170 for money lent my mum $2 500 she lent u for bond money so u would have a roof over ur
head for u and kai (the son u gave up)
-Brett $3000
si $$$$$$$ god only knows how much but its around the $5000 mark and who knows how many other people u owe money 2 that we don’t know about we r all looking for u and we will find u and u better hope its me that
finds u and not one of the other boys

What a delightful member of our society! Simon and his flatmate have decided to not invite her into their home. Maybe a good idea.It’s interesting the things that you can find out about people on the interweb….hey look at me broadcasting my life on a blog! I have said it recently but I’m going to say it again…I have such a wonderful feeling of anticipation at the moment. I don’t know what it is but really feel like something fabulous is going to happen to me soon. I am impatient so it should just bloody hurry up!!!!

Ok then

Oh, also a few inquisitive people have asked about the photos at the end of my last post……..It’s hardly the matrix people….work it out….especially the person its was meant for.

Hoo ha

L

First of all, a very good friend emailed me yesterday complimenting me on the blogs, which was nice. She did say however that I am funnier when I am not happy and that when I am not having sex it seems to benefit the comedy. This scares me so I am going to ignore it and prove her wrong!

That said here we go.

My workplace isn’t your average office. It’s full of radio jocks, music people and egos, but gee we have a laugh.

I think what I will miss the most, when I leave, are all of the ways that Jono and I joke around. We click really well and share a very similar, dare I say crass, sense of humour. We do our funny voices; imitate people and generally yob off.

For example today one of the other producers, Adam, was telling a lovely story about all of the weight that he has lost and Jono hearing this had to jump in and broadcast how much weight he had lost.

I told jono that he was very rude interrupting Adam and that we should kill two birds with one stone and ‘wire his mouth shut’. He immediately snapped back, ‘That sounds great and while we are there we should wire your legs shut…you hussy!’

Now this isn’t your average office talk and would probably result in some sort of tribunal in most offices but that’s just the way we carry on. Perhaps its bad, but shit its funny. I spend a lot of the time keeling over.

One of my favourite Jono moments is when the advertising sales people come into our office, taking potential clients on tours of the station. They usually say the same thing..

Sales Dude:

And this is Jono Coleman’s team (they never learn our names)…it’s a national show…and Jono has worked all over the world….blah blah blah

Jono will pretend to be in the middle of a conversation.

Jono:

And that’s how I got the cops to drop the charges; it’s easy if you know how!

The client and the sales dude usually leave miffed with uncomfortable smiles, trying to figure out if he is for real or not.

Jono is also renowned for his telephone updates…

Jono:

Hello it’s Jono here I am just driving into work…actually I’m 3 streets away! I went for a walk this morning….Now I am just parking.’

Aleisha:

Good Jono! I’ll see you in 2 minutes!

Jono:

Yep…now I’m putting the money in the parking machine…have you got the research for the interview?

Aleisha:

Yep Jono, how about I give it to you when you get here….in like 30 seconds..

Jono:

Good idea…I’m just getting into the lift..it may cut out but I’ll call you back

Aleisha:

No worries Jono, I will see you soon

Jono:

Ok, I’m just pushing the button….

Today we received a press pack advertising the Cabramatta festival!

As soon as he opened it Jono said,

‘The festival lasts 5 minutes and in that time you eat moon cake and your car is stolen!’

Priceless.

After work I was bored so I went shopping. I don’t need anything and it is such a bad habit.

I purchased a ’skirt’. I am calling it a ’skirt’ because it is really just a strip of material with a couple of buttons. I have lost some weight in the past month so I am hoping I can get away with it!

Now for this…

Ha!!

Just wanted to start off with a photo of my new best fav Tshirt..it is called the Communist party…a bunch of commies partying. Totally love it

This weekend I ventured north to the Steel the city, the town of my birth Newcastle.

Cousin Claire has been alone with her parents and sis overseas so I thought I should defiantly go and hang with her.

Most people think of me as a Tasmanian (I think they think can make better jokes…2 heads.. islander etc) but most of my Dads family are from Newcastle and before my mother went on her ‘Lets move Aleisha around the world rampage’, Newcastle is where we lived.

It was great catching up with Claire. We always have a laugh…mostly at other peoples expense…in a nice way…and Claire has always been someone I feel totally comfortable being absolutely honest with, which is great because I don’t think we do that enough.

Besides all of the social interaction, one of my highlights of the weekend was driving.

God how I love driving.

Really, I am just a big fan of cars all around and whenever I am in the city I spend most of my time salivating at all of swanky vehicles, because Sydney is full of them. Pitty they are being driven by jackasses that wouldn’t know their ass from their face let alone make a decent gear change.

As well as the driving part, I really like singing to bad top 40 music.

(see this video: for more about my singing passion)

Claire was working on Saturday so I decided to head North to Hawks Nest…the were I spent the idyllic summers of my youth, to visit my grandfather, otherwise know n as Poppy.

Hawks Nest is my quiet place; it’s the place I think of for relaxation. I adore driving over the big hill and seeing the beach come into view.

Poppy turned 86 on Thursday (rock it Pop!) He is a dude and is one of the trendiest octogenarians I know. He was very keen to show me his new computer. He is surfing the web, sending emails and one of the classic lines of the weekend was when he said to me….

“I asked the Google about the climate in turkey but it didn’t say anything”.

I showed him how to search and add favourites (I saved my blog for him) and he seemed pretty chuffed.

And Poppy if you are reading this, ignore anything I write about sex and drinking…it is all made up, obviously.

Sunday, Claire and I headed to the Central Coast to help her partner and my honorary brother Trent move his pharmacy around. It’s a long story, they are renovating but pretty much, the objective of the day was to move the entire pharmacy into a temporary shop while the other half is being renovated and then in a couple of weeks we are going to go back and move most of it back again.

Trent…master of his domain……the pharmacy

Gee whiz we worked our arses off. They trusted me to shift the pharmaceuticals and by golly there were thousands. Claire and I played the game were I would guess what the drug I was holding was used for. I was pretty good.

After we had finished unpacking the shop, I suggested as a method of thank you, Trent should allow us to pick on thing from the shop as a gift. I chose Valium…no I am lying, I don’t want to damage Trent’s professional reputation…it was morphine.

Bit of light drug shopping

Possibly the weirdest lable ever..It may well be Bert Reynolds.

Everything you see here…..we moved! Yay for us.

This week most probably heralds my last week working in radio (until I am offered a big mega contract to co host a show then I shall return like a bull to a gate). I am heading off into the world of freelancing and I am excited about it. It feels like the right thing to do and I already have some work lined up.

Yeehaa…now I just need a boyf.

(I can hear my Dad saying…Aleish you don’t need a boyfriend…why do you need a boyfriend?….Ah dad two words, sex and dinner)

Sorry poppy, I didn’t just write that!

L

http://leishblog.wordpress.com/

Today Jono and I headed to The Park Hyatt Hotel to conduct an interview (attention all potential Aleisha suitors…take me to this sort of hotel and I am pretty much yours??!!) ahemmm enough said fellas.Jono and I went to The Park Hyatt which is right near the harbour bridge and looks out at the Opera House. It is nice.

We were there to record an interview with Harry Potter aka Daniel Radcliffe. I’m not a huge fan of the franchise and I must admit I’ve never read any of the books but I was intreagued about meeting one of the richest and most famous 18 year olds on the planet. Over the past couple of years I’ve had a bit of experience with press junkets and I think they are pretty bizarre.You basically turn up, talk to the energy filled publicists that flitter around with their clipboards, looking busy, but are really thinking about the coffee orders that they have to retrieve. Their names are usually hyphenated and they wear TV level make up…caked on. are told the ‘rules’ of the interview.

‘12 minutes, no questions about this and that, don’t look them in the eye and no photos!!! Blah blah blah.’

You then sit around worrying that your recording gear is going to fail, staring at the other people that are waiting and then wonder for 40 minutes if you have enough time to go to the toilet but don’t in case they call your name and you waste your precious 12 minutes in the can. Today’s arrangements were pretty mild in comparison to some of the other interview that we have done this year and watching Jono negotiate with publicists over various rules and regulations is always amusing.We had some time to kill so we had a coffee in the Park Hyatt coffee lounge. $25.00 later (I am not kidding for 2 coffees and an orange juice) we were called to get ready for the interview.

I was in charge of the recording gear (god help us all) and spent most of the interview clutching my headphones willing the gear to continue working while also watching Daniel Radcliffe with great interest. Jono is such a smooth operator with celebrities…I mean he is a doofus but uses that in a weird way to relax the guest. I am not sure how it works but we were all laughing along in a matter of seconds. It was particularly funny when Daniel mentioned that he had heard that Jono had ‘spoiled the ending to the final Harry Potter book’ as a producer I did a little internal ‘hurrah’ because I knew that would be a winning grab for the show! The funniest moment of the whole interview was when snippy publicist told us there was to be no photos, we didn’t agree with her and took this!

Jono dropped me back at the office and I continued on with my day of watching a pre recorded show go to air because everyone else is still on holidays and we are still airing ‘best of’ shows. I spent most of the arvo applying for jobs and this arvo I actually got a bite!!!Yahoo, I might be heading back to TV. Well see. L

I have just had to have a quick trip to my special calm place to prevent anyone from being murdered. Today I lost an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back, waiting at the efficient state government department, the RTA. I had finally decided to surrender my Tasmanian status and commit to being a NSW resident and get one of their gay yellow licences.

This week at work is pretty easy, we are playing best of’s (I work for a radio show) and Simon and I are basically sitting around making sure the show goes to air without a glitch.

(Actually if my boss reads this we are so incredibly snowed under, there have been lots of problems are we are defiantly not leaving early.)

Anyway so I thought this morning would be an excellent time to pop over to arseville Macquarie Shopping centre and visit my friends at the RTA.

Some genius architect obviously put a lot of time into working out how to make the customers of the RTA, instantly depressed. The dull fluorescent lighting, harsh carpet and 1983 décor, including racing stripe panels on the counters, lower your serotonin levels to dangerous status. As I sat there waiting for my number, 233,889 to be called I noticed a lot of stains on the carpet around me. I wondered where there stains had come from. One in particular looked suspiciously like motor oil and I envisaged some incensed RTA customer seeking revenge by driving their 1986 Toyota Crown into the shopping centre and ramming the counter until someone noticed.

I had this feeling, when entering the office that my visit to the RTA wasn’t going to be easy. And I was right. After some initial confusion about what I actually wanted the lady behind the counter…the RTA Lady started staring at the computer screen with a strong look of confusion.

‘No, No, No!!!’ was going around in my head… I willed the RTA Lady… ‘don’t be confused just mash the pad, print out my new licence and let me leave this godforsaken place.’

RTA Lady 1

Miss McCormack, there is a problem.

Here we go.

RTA Lady 1

I don’t quite understand why… but I cannot issue you a licence today!

Aleisha

Ok well, what can you do about that? Am I never to have a licence again?

RTA Lady 1

I am really not very sure I will have to get my supervisor

Aleisha

Super!

Another lady came out and looked equally as mystified.

RTA Lady 1

I just don’t know…It’s very strange. I have tried this over and over again

(beep!!! The computer goes mental)

RTA Lady Supervisor

(With complete disinterest)

Yes I can see…you will have to call support

Aleisha

(Banging on Perspex divider) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I will be here for my retirement. What about love? Kids? travelling? I don’t want to die here.

I then proceeded to watch RTA Lady attempting to use a cordless phone, I think she was more used to something this.

RTA Lady 1

For some reason I am not hearing anything..

Aleisha

Fuck me dead, have you switched it on?

RTA Lady 1

Ahhhh (beep)….its working.

26 uncomfortable minutes later, of her staring at me while holding the phone to her ear and me reshuffling my papers willing myself to pass out she gets through to support desk worker ‘Brian’.

Brian explains to her that some fucko hadn’t cancelled my old NSW licence when I lived here 2 years ago and I have been living the illegal and almost impossible life of having 2 licences in 2 different states.

Now if I had known this I could have had a lot of fun on the roads, because RTA lady said that

“things might not have registered if you had fines and things”.

A literate and concise explanation! Good one lady.

I left the office expecting it to be dark outside, with the car park empty and only shopping trolley collector dudes left, because I had lost all concept of time (the RTA is like a casino, no clocks so people don’t go postal when they wait for an entire business day). But I slummed it back to work to watch the show go to air and reply to listener emails….fabulous.

This arvo I have felt panicked and I don’t know why. A bit like I had forgotten something or I was nervous but really there isn’t anything jiving at the moment in my world. Maybe that’s the problem. I need some inspiration man. I am not superstitious or zany but I am pretty sure that there is some sort of impending change about to hit my life….should be interesting. And I am sure you’ll hear about it.

Spooooooooooooky.

L

Positive Simone, one of my favourite people in the whole world is skilled in the way that no matter how bad you feel or how big an issue or problem that you are facing is, she always makes it sound easy to fix. And usually she’s right.

Another thing I love about Positive Simone is that when ever I feel like I may be single forever she reminds me of her story. It’s a bit like a fairytale in the way that she tells it and it always makes me go ahhhhh. A couple of years back Simone went on a cruise for a bit of R & R. The cruise was near ending but on the third last night she sat next to Dan. They hit it off immediately and spent the remainder of the trip locked in their own little romantic world. Being a realist Simone told Dan that she’d had a great time but considering they lived in different states it was silly to think that their relationship could continue. They parted way without exchanging details. A couple of morbid weeks passed with Simone moping around thinking of Dan and her Dad told her that in order to be happy she had to stop being miserable and go and find him. So she did. She contacted everyone that she knew on that ship and eventually scored his number. A nervous txt message was sent and Dan replied saying that he too had contacted everyone and had scored her email address. As Simone’s txt had come in, he was composing an email to her. They got married 6 months later.

See that’s nice.

Dan is such a lovely bloke so nice in fact that Simone always says. ‘Leish, you’ll find you Dan and when you do, you will be knocked over like me!’

When Nick and I broke up it was pretty shit. It’s funny the things that you remember about a situation. Nick is probably going to laugh in an uncomfortable way when reading this but I had some of my best comedic moments during those months. When it all went down I went into such a fucked up rage I pelted a bowl of nectarines at him.

It felt good.

I also stood out in the street yelling at him ‘that I hoped he was going to have a great life with his ho, living in a council flat in the suburbs while paying in a covers band and working in retail for the rest of his life’

People that have had any dealing with Nick or I would realise that that was a great condemnation of his future ….The things you say when you’re mad. (None of those things have come true by the way and Nick you know I wish you all of the best!)

One of the things that Nick said to me in a far more composed and thoughtful manner was,

“Aleisha, never give your heart to someone who doesn’t realise how wonderful it is because they don’t deserve it and never will’.

He was right and I threw nectarines. Yep.Good one Aleisha.

Anyway I suppose this blog is about feeling hope that I will find my Dan and pretty bloody soon at that! I realise I have to adjust my radars a bit but I also believe that one of my best attributes is having an open heart and a willingness to take risks, so that has to be better than living in a safety bubble. I know some people find it easier that way but in reality you are just kidding yourself.

One more thing about me, I don’ regret a thing. Well that was all very cryptic, but rather enjoyable.

Rock it.

L

So my epic weekend is over and it is a bit of a downer that I couldn’t just stay in the snow world for the rest of the season blissfully gliding (I didn’t say gracefully) down the slopes and socialising at the lodge. Unfortunately I am back in reality going to work and eating cheese on toast for dinner. Super boring.

I arrived at Perisher on Friday after a bit of mega travelling….after visiting Melbourne for about 10 minutes on Thursday I got up and caught an early plane to Canberra and then a coach ride to Perisher. When I arrived it was pissing down with rain and it was decided that it would be a no ski day.

The lodge is a fantastic place. It’s close to the slopes, has that wooden lodgy feel and is always teeming with interesting people. There were 6 of us in our crew Claire, Trent, Daniel, Tanaya, Blake and myself. The rest of the lodge was filled with potentially great sketch comedy characters. I believe, when really straight, boring people get to a certain age they morph into super boring beings..able to recognise the most irritating possible way to act in a situation and then go for it full throttle.

The lodge has rules of course but some people take them a little more seriously than others…The board is an obvious example. Its pretty simple..you write your name where you are sleeping. When Claire Trent and Blake arrived they had to wait for their rooms to be ready so they temporarily left their gear in an unoccupied room. This didn’t fit with the rules and they were told that if they were going to leave their gear there it had to be documented on the board….even if their time in the room was only fleeting.

There were a number of these people inhabiting the lodge over the weekend. Our favourite character was ‘crazy mop woman’. Her sole purpose for the weekend was to watch us and find problems with our behaviour. Her family were also as pedantic, with her elder son (who would have been my age) shooshing us at the dinner table, while we were watching a video of Trent and Blake bungee jumping…we were huddled around a laptop and could barley hear it ourselves….what a wank!

The next day, me being me, I smashed a mug of milo in the kitchen. ‘Crazy Mop Lady’ jumped into action explaining that I would need to get a mop and ‘clean it up!’ No shit Sherlock, usually when I spill a sugary hot liquid, I just step over it and leave it there for the ants to clean up…..I mopped and half way through she inquired if I had used ‘any detergent in the water?’ While I was mopping, Trent cleaned the cupboards where the milo had splashed. Later on Claire came back into the kitchen, only to discover ‘Crazy Mop lady’ in her sensible slacks, down on all fours rescrubbing the cupboards. I am guessing being as wound up as she was she hasn’t sex in quite a while.

This is to prove I am not a ski bunny

The skiing was great. I was nervous that I would have forgotten how to ski but it didn’t take me long to get back into it. I had a couple of memorable stacks. Funnily enough they all happened when I was trying to call out or chat to my fellow skiers while skiing myself. Unco. Too much talking and not enough concentrating. When I ski, especially with people that are far more skilled than me, ala Claire and Trent, I have this little mantra that I repeat to myself in hope that it will save me from rolling my way down the mountain.

“Ski’s together, turn, keep the ski’s together, don’t crash, skis together turn, turn”…and so on… all the way down the mountain.

Welcome to the circus that is my mind.

This bruise appeared after I gracefully went arse over, following Trent over a jump and then realising half way over it that it was way out of my league. I yelled out ‘Trent!’ like that was going to help me and then landed on my own ski. Classy.

Back at the lodge we discovered our second favourite character ‘Evil psycho mum’ who clearly made the wrong decision in procreating. She was possible the mouthiest mummy on the planet ordering her kids around (who were about 7 and telling them to

‘Get up and help me out…do I have to do everything? Jesus Melanie come into the kitchen and put one of your small hands on the hot plate and Jeremy, you come here and scold yourself with plunger coffee while I yell and fuss a bit more!’

What a mole. We sat and watched this production for a while, I think all a little fearful that she was going to yell at us! The husband had a permanent scowl of regret and the kids kept their heads down. As it was fathers day the worst part was when ‘Evil psycho mum’ attempted to be nice by talking to her husband in a whiny baby talk voice ‘It’s Daddy’s special Day’. I nearly lost my lunch.

Speaking of bad lunches…here is a rather unflattering photo of me and my nachos…which contained a full tomato. Gross out.

We had a jamming time. Skiing, drinking, eating, roasting in the sauna and lots more that isn’t blog worthy for a number of reasons.*

High tight arse fashion on the Slopes

The Crew celebrating Tanayas B’day

I spent most of the weekend with my ’ski smile’ firmly plastered on my face. It was such a great vibe hanging with the crew……damn the real world….damn it. This week I am going to find a new job….well maybe next week, or the week after.

L