LeishBlog

God I never want to become one of those TGIF people. I overheard some gaggling women on the bus and just wanted to them all to self combust.  

“Soooooo happy it’s Friday”

“Yeah Friday, I thought it would never come!”

“I can’t wait for the weekend…..I’m going to do nothing at all interesting because I am a boring corporate slave,”

“Yeah that sounds great, I’ll probably just sit around in my unhappy marriage and iron the creases into my slacks!”

Blah blah blah. They were the sort of women that wear jogging shoes with there skirts and swap into 2cm heels at work. They also carry a range of bags, usually some sort of gym bag, but they don’t look like women that would visit the gym. They may also wear scrunchies and have a visible panty line. Someone kill me if I ever turn into these women. I mean it, just take my life.

Recently I ventured onto the accountant/serious money level of our building. There was a boredom vibe that hit me as soon as I walked out of the elevator. I dropped my forms, did my scan for anyone my age, eventual potentials, found no one and ran. I virtually sprinted to the elevator, thankful for my ambitious and not settling for a boring job. I barley made it though; the dreariness smoke monster nearly got me.

Thanks to my trip to the hairdresser I am subtly lighter now. No more deep dark brown. Well at least not for a couple of weeks until I get fed up with the regrowth and colour over it. I am sure if I had a boyfriend he wouldn’t notice the difference.

One of my favourite Conan O’Brien segments ‘Celebrity Survey’ has been posted. It makes me giggle in the workplace.

I spoke to my Dad, told him about winning the comedy heat. He was genuinely stoked, I have a very proud Dad and I am lucky. He is on holidays. I said,“You Dave, why don’t you come and hang with me, buy me some nice dinners, come on, I’m your only child!”

“Yeah I was thinking about doing that but I also think I might walk the Kokoda trail,”

That’s my Dad. ‘Yeah I could come to Sydney, eat at some nice restaurant, but you know I think I’ll go and walk 96km through the jungle and wilderness in Papua New Guinea’.

This is how wikipedia describes the walk

‘Hot, humid days with intensely cold nights, torrential rainfall and the risk of endemic tropical diseases such as malaria make it a challenge to walk. Despite the challenge posed it is a popular hike that takes between five and 12 days (depending on fitness). Locals have been known to hike the route in three days.’

Good one! Sound like a relaxing holiday Dad! But that’s my Dad, doesn’t like to sit around and always enjoys a challenge.

As I child he was always trying to get me to do the things that he did in his youth. Some I took up like skiing, others I did not, like sailing. Nothing against sailing, but as a 16 year old chick, the last thing I wanted to do was get up at 7am on a Sunday morning and get wet in the river Derwent (fucking freezing).

“Aleish how about I will buy you a Sabot and you can sail it every week, it will be great, now that’s living!”

“Dad I’m 16, I love you and I love that you are taking an interest and you want to buy me stuff, but how about a car?….or some new clothes, they will be cheaper than a boat,”

“But you could be a champion! And it’s good for you, you can meet people…”

“Dad I shall reign in other areas and boaty people aren’t my style. They are all rich kids. Worse of all I see in the brochures here, I would have to wear a wet suit….a wet suit Dad implies that I am going to be getting wet. No way Jose.”

I did however take up water polo, which he was happy about and so was I because I could let out all of my teenage angst and hormonal issues in the pool while beating up other chicks and swearing. Fabulous game that. Dad was the classic sideline father, cheering and getting feisty when one of the other girls was attempting to drown me. Nasty pasties those girls.

Did your parents try and push you into sport or after school activities?

I might be going to China in a couple of weeks. ‘Might’ is the word. Work may need someone to pop over there pick some tapes up and come back. Sounds good.

mmmm dumplings.mmmm rip off handbags. mmmm cheap massages. mmm cheap playstation 3. 

Ok trying not to get my hopes up so with that, I am done.

I am writing in my lunch break while slurping on my soup. The soup is mediocre and I must say that the ‘bread’ that came with it is the equivalent to half my hand. Why must we measure things in hand….they are there I suppose?

Anyway to get to the point I had a fabulous night last night, great gig. Well sort of. All of my lovely friends showed up. BIG THANKS PEOPLE! I mean I do have the most amazing posse. They laughed and hugged me and it was just the best. I think I could have stood on staged a drooled for 5 minutes and they would have clapped and laughed along. The best thing for me was that people Like Former Flat mates Mick and Sarah and Dave who have watched me practice and go through all of my nerves over the past year got to see me live. I think I was most nervous about that. I am happy that Mick said he laughed aloud. That’s a hard one to crack. Often we have watched films where I am convulsing and giggling and he does this silent closed mouth laugh. It is very contained. It’s nice also because you know when you really have him laughing. He said at the end of the gig that he laughed fully. That was great news.

There were an interesting array of performers there, first timers and people I had gigged with before. Stand up sure does attract a diverse group.

I though my set was ok. A bit rushed but then I am a tough critic. I hacked my act up on Tuesday night when I realised I was about 1 minute over time. I thin it threw me a bit but no one else seemed to notice and if they did they didn’t say anything.

Anyway so it was a competition and I won. So that’s nice.I go into a final in October to see if I can then get to the grand final.

The Princess was adorable. She screamed and jumped around like I would imagine a stage mother would.

“Babe am I embarrassing you?” She jumped and screamed some more. I love her for her enthusiasm.

We dropped into the Princesses Pad for a lovely chamomile tea and replayed the evening.

“Babe, you are going to be famous…..are you going to forget about us?” She said like a wounded animal, if a wounded animal had the capacity of speech.

“Babe what’s the point of being famous when you can’t have your best friends around to sponge off you?”

I think the Princess will be running a TV network way before I am famous. She will have to employ me.

I am a really lucky lady to have such wonderful friends and all of the opportunities that come my way. There are lots of interesting things going on in my life and that I am grateful for. Now if I could just get laid……actually I’m not to fussed about that at the moment either. How unusual.

I am having my hair coloured tonight. I need a change. I am seeing my hairdresser Thomas, who is the most meticulous stylist I have ever been to. He likes to consult you on every move and has a unique way of cutting and a cool get to business stance. He is Asian and smiles and nods at me a lot.

Should be fun. Love hairdresser visits. I have been home dying for so long I forgot about the luxury of it all.

Anyway lunch break is done. Soup was crap, must get back to it.

L

“Lets go away for the weekend. We can hand around, drink, hang around and drink,”

I thought this was a no brainier.

“Babe, no,” was her simple response.

“Why? It is a beautiful beachside town, people pay millions of dollars to buy property there, what the hell is the reason behind you not wanting to go, you love rich things…I am confused,”

Princess Nicole went on to tell me a story about when she was younger, she decided that even though she had never tried Chinese food, she decided that she hated it. When her Mum said one night that they were going to eat Chinese food, The Princess chucked a nah nah and wouldn’t go, on principal. This is how she is describing her seemingly infantile dislike about the idea of driving two hours north and having a weekend away. I am going to take her there by hook or by crook. Even if I have to pack the bag myself and tell her we are going to the shopping centre and kidnap her for the weekend. We are going. That’s the end of that.

I am watching my BlackBerry like a hawk. If it makes one wrong move I am going to go out and buy some old Nokia brick and use that instead at least that won’t chime up a $610 bill. That will teach it.

It’s funny when I have something coming up, like a gig, I always think of post gig time like it is something marvellous. I mean I imagine the feeling of relief and being able to watch television without the guilt of thinking I should be practising. Post gig utopia. I think for as long as I have had any responsibility I have created these scenarios…at uni, I was always thinking of post exam time, all of the wonderful things I can do….working crappy jobs, post crappy job time, what amazing jobs there were to come. I know philosophically I shouldn’t be looking ahead all of the time. It is good to live in the now and have a good time.

I will work on that.

Even with the ‘working on that promise’, a line ago, I am thinking about post gig utopia, drinking a bottle of wine.

Can’t be a bad thing.

I am lucky. I am enjoying myself at the moment. Ted said on the weekend that I was the old Leish again with some new twists. I respect that noticed that because he knows me pretty well and has seen me through all sorts of shit things. Him saying that made me realise that I am genuinely at ease with where and who I am.

What an uplifting way to end the blog.

I don’t really like that. I would prefer to end on something sharp, sarcastic and witty.

Damn it. I can’t think of anything. I might have to go back to being depressed and bitter. The jokes seem to come more easily then.   

This morning I nearly threw up chunks when I discovered I had a $611 BlackBerry bill. Yes $600.

How?

That’s insane!

I know I know.

It is insane and I don’t know how.

The thought of me having to sell my new handbag and move into to a hostel ran through my mind, as I dialled the mobile phone company.

How did I do this?

How am I going to get out of this?

I am going to have to sell my eggs.

I explained to the mobile phone billing lady, she sounded sort of concerned and after a while agreed to knock $100 off the bill as a courtesy for me being a ‘loyal customer’.

Ok, so now I only owed $511.

Shit.

She said I had to talk to the ‘data people’ about my internet use. I talked to a nice guy, Ahmed and he said one of my browsers had been accessing the internet on a regular basis, racking up 90c for every 5 minutes.

Yikes.

Part of me was convinced I was going to have to bow out gracefully, disconnect the bloody thing and walk away, rendering me phone-less and communicationally bankrupt. (I don’t even know if communicationally is a real word…. It is now).

Why do I even need a BlackBerry?

Am I a high powered suit?

I like the way it looks and checking my facebook on the run.

Anyway I had me a lovely chat with the data guy Ahmed. Like the truck on moving day, I came to the decision that I was to fight on and I refused to go down with the ship…I was going to talk my way out of it.

$511 to go.

Now Amhed seemed like a nice guy. He reset the phone, got rid of my bad connections and then there was an awkward pause.

“Amhed, what will I do about the bill? $500 is a lot of money, just because a couple of buttons were pushed and I didn’t know about it,”

Pause.

“Call through to billing, I’ll sort it out, I will make some amendments,”

Me, not knowing what quite what ‘I’ll sort it out means’.

“Amhed you are a dude! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

I felt a bit like one of Jerry’s girlfriend in the Seinfeld episode The Calzone, Nikki, she can talk her way out of anything.

Jerry : So George . Remember when I told you Nikki gets whatever she wants . We are at the movies last night . It’s sold out . Nikki goes and talks to the manager . Right in .

George : Beautiful women . You know they could get away with murder . You never she any of them lift anything over three pounds . They get whatever they want whenever they want it . You can’t stop them .

Jerry : She’s like a beautiful Godzilla .

George : Without thousands of fleeing Japanese .

(I’m not suggesting that my beauty helped, my phone voice however…)

I talked to billing. They said my Bill was $79.95. She then said

“Oh it seems you have had $551 deducted from your bill?’

All I could say was,

“Thank bloody Christ I have ….a $600 bill I’ve never heard of anything so revolting in my life”.

Now I hate my BlackBerry. It can shove itself up its arse for the panic it caused me today. Fuck you BlackBerry I nearly had a break down.

Weekend was fabulous and amusing at the same time. Drinks on Friday night, laughed a lot, Ted got along really well with the Princess Nicole and Rowan The Hawk. After a couple of bevies we somehow agreed to go to Rowans parents’ house for Mothers day on Sunday. Yeah, bet you weren’t expecting that one!? Take my out of town guest to a friends mother house! Woo Hoo.

Rowan and Nicole refer to Rowans mum as ‘Cop mum’ because she asks a lot of questions….an interrogator. I thought it would be an eventful and amusing afternoon. It was.

On Saturday we walked across the Harbour Bridge ate Yum Cha and played the Playstaion game, Bully. It was fun, beating up on the nerds.

We also watched a film that I loved to hate, but Ted was scared of, Thirty Days of Night. It was about vampires…I prefer zombies.

Anyway back to Cop Mum, mothers day Sunday. It turned out that I turned on my parent charm and Rowans folks liked me,

They said,

“I was very entertaining and funny!”

We watched a dreadful movie, called Breaking and Entering….recommend it to people you hate…Good choice Rowan, even you Mum thought it was shit.

The Princess,Ted and I sang 80’s songs in the car home,

I hope Ted comes back. He suits Sydney and Sydney suits him.

Now I am going to check my BalckBerry to see if it secretly accessing web pages and making me bankrupt….still so angry. Shakes fist in air.

100th POST!

Favourite Paris Hilton quote of the week:

“We don’t really like to go out. We have game night; friends come over and play Monopoly. It’s chill.”

Sure you do.

I love monopoly. I also love the game Risk. Has to be one of the best games out there. World domination, who doesn’t love that? I must say I’m pretty good at it, probably taking it too seriously and often getting in a huff at the end when I am beaten. The game is so uber cool, it often features regularly in my favourite TV shows, Seinfeld and Lost. 

“It’s Risk. It’s a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.”
Jerry to Kramer and Newman in The Label Maker

I get a bit stuck looking at Lostpedia. I mean it is the most intense Lost fan web site around. Everything from what characters ate to the names of all of the extras that hang around in the background but never get in on the action. It’s funny, they don’t seem to get into much trouble…..well except for last week when a whole chunk of them were murdered. Too bad.

TV  in the bedrooms a problem. Last night I watched a lot of TV. My eyes were heavy with sleep but still I thought, just one more ad break. It’s the total opposite to when you were a kid. Pleading to your parents to let you stay and watch until the next ad break….what I talking about? I don’t once remember my Dad telling me to go to sleep. I’m not saying he was a bad parent, he is the best, I just didn’t have many rules. I find it weird hearing my friends talking about restrictions that were placed on them in childhood. ‘I couldn’t eat this’, ‘we didn’t do that’, blah blah blah.  I say relax anally retentive parents. I didn’t turn out to be a mass murderer…or not that we know of yet, actually I think I turned out all right with my minimal rules upbringing.  I did have a few rules, I was not to say the C word…..not that I would, so un-lady like and vulgar, I also wasn’t allowed to drink Coke…saved my teeth and gee that’s about it. Part of Dads clever parenting was installing the ‘hate to disappoint Dad’ chip in me, so whenever he said ‘Aleish, You have really disappointed me’ I felt shattered so  much so I generally behaved myself.  I like to hang with Dad and he makes me laugh.  There you go. What a happy story.  

I met with my weekend house guest Ted this morning and I gave him the keys to our apartment. He has probably stolen everything and taken off by now. Such a shame.

What a pop culture junket this blog has been, a bit of child hood Leish too!

 I hope you have been informed. Happy weekend.

Another day at home. This time though feeling marginally better. Worked pretty hard today. Actually got lot and lots done. I had to call a company to do some research and the woman said to me,
“You sound enthralled….”

Jesus give me a break. Golf ball gland lady.

I perked up she gave me what I wanted but it made me question the honesty in our society. I don’t think I would acknowledge a total strangers moroseness straight up. Would you?

While writing a work email I read it back before hitting send (thank goodness) and saw that I had done this at the end,

Leish

X

I am going to put that down to a mixture of distraction due to breakfast TV being on in the background and that I am an idiot. Imagine if I had sent that. It was to a government department. I don’t x until at least the second email.

X in text messages and emails are funny. When do you send a x? Does it represent a real x or is it a token gesture. It’s funny when people do put an x at the end of note/email/text and then next time don’t, you wonder what you have done to have been de x’ed.

I have a couple of people that I don’t know where I stand with who have corresponded and finished with a x. What does it mean people? Really? It’s confusing. They don’t pash me when the see me but they put a little kiss at the end of all written communication. Quite strange.

Today I had to catch a bus to go to medicare to get my money for the doctors back. I have never got time to go there in business hours so I made myself go. I picked the wrong time of day though. I went one stop on the bus and then it was flooded with pimply 12 year old boys. So..so.. many of them. It was me and another guy on the bus and then 50 kids. They had that prepubescent waft about them. That sweat without the BO smell and they were all talking in their partially broken voices. A kid looked disappointed when he saw that he had to sit next to me. I thought buddy, you have caught me on a rare cleavage exposure day, you should be appreciative. Give him a couple of years.

Look who has tickets on herself!

I did notice when the bus zoomed passed the local private school girls all waiting for their buses with their knee high socks and hair in delicate ponytails tucked under their posh hats, a lot of the boys peered, drooling out of the window.

Bless.

I am very excited as the wonderful Ted from Tassie is coming to stay with me for the weekend. Ted is the best chuck out the rest. We have scripts to write, booze to consume and I am going to try and convince Ted to move to Sydney while the lovely Rae (his GF) is in Japan…….It not a coercion thing, I just think he would do well here. Hey back off, I’m just saying.

Apparently in my absence from work today there was a shooting. That came out all wrong. I should have said, today there was a shooting near my work but I wasn’t absent for the drama. I shouldn’t make light of a terrible dark situation, but I am.

Ok bad way to end a blog. I really need to get out of this bedroom.

Well the sickness got the better of me. I went to the doctors after nearly heaving in my waste paper basket. I have a cool doctor, he always listens to my ridiculous googled theories about which medical problem I could have. He nods politely, sometimes looks a bit puzzled and says

“Aleisha that’s a nice theory, good research but that’s a tropical disease and you haven’t been out of the country recently,”

I always reply…

“Damn it, I thought I had this one figured out!”

He is thorough, I’ll give him that and he tells me if he thinks i’ve got something bad. I hate when doctors just write stuff down and don’t share it.

“Buddy if my legs are going to self combust, or my tongue is going to dissolve, I would like to know…..don’t keep it a secret!”

My Doctor poked and prodded and said it’s probably a virus but it could be Glandular Fever. I told him, he was dreaming and that I don’t have time to be properly sick as I had just started a new contract. He said it probably wasn’t.

Before I left he checked the glands in my underarms and tummy. I winced when pushed into a place near my ribs.

“Well that’s not right” he said

“That hurt like hell!” I said

“Better keep an eye on it….keep poking it over the next week and if it’s still bad we’ll do some tests!

So I have been poking it consistently and now I don’t know if it is still genuinely sore or just sore from my self poking.

Silly girl.

I am feeling a little bit better. My skin looks kind of yellow and I had to get up and put mascara on because I looked freaky when I saw the reflection of myself sitting in bed typing in my big mirrored wardrobe.

I hate not wearing make up. It’s not that I wear a lot. I don’t. I just need a bit of mascara on to feel like I’ve done something with my day.

Silly girl again.

I have been working from home and I realised how appropriate my job is as a working from home job….wish I’d figured that out a bit earlier, wouldn’t have had to sit next to all of those chumps on the bus in the morning.

In my ‘lunch housr’ Iwatched Oprah and Doctor Phil today. Dr Phil had a couple on that hated each other. The husband had lied to his wife about being a doctor and a millionaire. She believed him for three years….what a lie. Imagine pretending for that long. Geeze dude you could have picked an easier occupation to fake. Oprah was de-cluttering people’s lives I looked at my cupboard and closed the doors so I couldn’t seet the clutter. I could have saved her 46 minutes of the show.

I am venturing out for the first time today. Going to the supermarket. I will not throw up in the supermarket. However I did faint in a video shop when I was in high school. I had tonsillitis; (told you I get it a lot) I was staying with my friend Angela, both of our parents where away, we went to get a video. I passed out in the new release aisle. I woke up with Angela, her sister Sarah and the video shop geek standing over me. I hit my head on the concrete floor. I don’ remember what video we actually watched.

Thanks for you get well wishes. I shall get well. I shall.

marriedtothesea.com

(Sorry Justin but that is yet another con of living with me, you are my sickness guinea pig.)

I went into the pharmacy this morning. I cleared my throat delicately and in a pathetically weak voice I said.

“Can you help me, I think I am dying? I have a sore throat….so sore and my glands are up…like golf balls,” I grab at my throat fro proof.

The pharmacist stared at me blankly. She didn’t care. I think I could have gone in there with an arm detached, arteries spurting blood like a hose and she wouldn’t have reacted differently. Come to think of it what did I expect, a bear hug?  

She gave me a collection of medication and sent me on my way.

Here is a clip about becoming a pharmacist…..I think the way to describe it, is funny.

There is a woman at our real-estate agency that deals with repairs. We are having trouble with our shower. It has the strength and power of an incontinent old man and if you turn the tap a millimetre you may have to spend some time in the burns unit.  

“Hi Leanne, just wondering if you could get someone to take a look at our shower, it isn’t very strong,” I say chirpily.

“The last tenants never complained about it, I’m going to call them,” She said accusingly.

“Ok, but they don’t live there anymore, I do…..” Still Chirpy.

“Are you using the taps properly?” She said monotones.  
Interesting question. Am I using the taps properly?….oh you are suppose to turn them and water comes out? Really? Before this I lived on a farm and we collected the water from a well.

“Yes I have used taps before,” No chirp now.

“Fine I will call you back,” She hangs up without saying goodbye, so rude.

“Good for them, but unless they are coming around for showers at my joint it ain’t going to solve the problem…”

“Are you sure that you turned the taps on properly,”

 Jesus! This woman has it in for me. Last week she rang and said there was 31c missing from our rent.

 “I can deliver it if you want!” I said jokingly.

 “That would be appreciated,” Totally serious.

 When I arrived at the office to pick up the keys she said,

 “That’s $15 key cutting fee and I’ll add the 31c in remaining rent.”

I laughed. She is a moron.

So my post last night was a downer. Sorry about that. You can’t change the past, so move on.

Right, it’s really as easy as that. Apparently.

Nup, still annoyed at myself.

My new place of work is pretty snazzy. It’s a big warehouse, has lots of great furniture and I keep imagining the fabulous parties that could be held there, if we could just get rid of the furniture. Might work on that.

They don’t allow facebook. I have a problem with that. I might write to the CEO, I am sure he would appreciate the input. Facebook makes me happy and shouldn’t employers do what makes their workers content…like der, of course. So I am having to just get all of the little facebook notifications on the CrackBerry and wait until I get home to see who has changed their status, added debauched photos from the weekend and written abuse on my wall. It’s a bit like facebook foreplay. Keeps me wanting more.

I have a new game that I have been playing on the bus with my iopd. I hit shuffle and say to myself, ‘this song will represent the way my day is going to go,’

What an idiot.

Anyway the first song it picked today was ‘You and Whose Army?’ by Radiohead.

mmm uplifting, Skip it.

The next song was ‘Man Eater’ by Nelly Furtardo.

Skip it.

‘40 Boys in 40 nights’, The Donnas.

Skip it.

I sense that there some sort of hoe theme going on here.

‘Wise up’ by Aimee Mann.

I switched the ipod off at that point deciding that I would be better entertained by the voices in my head.

What happens when you play the ipod shuffle ‘What’s my day going to be like Leish’ game?

Are you bombarded with songs that make you sound promiscuous and damned in the world of love? Does it sound like the Mardi Gras?  Perhaps it is so morbid that suicide might be an option? I hope not, but my Ipod often pick the depression mix at the most inopportune times.

I do believe that the ipod shuffle mechanism is some how connected to what you are feeling, then it plays the total opposite list of music that would make you happy.

Up your arse Ipod.

I have a TV in my room now. It is good but I can feel it sucking away my life force. I had it on last night, while also writing emails and using about a thousand other electrical items. I can see why people have internet relationships. You’d never have to leave your room…. But if that were the case I couldn’t go out and make an arse of myself….I might get Justin to lock me in. That could be the solution. Also might help me squeeze into those skinny jeans. I will only eat food that he can slide under my door. Just like in the Seinfeld episode, when Kramer buys the meat slicer and Elaine accidentally shuts off her next door neighbours cat feeder so they have to put slices of meat on the door.

[Elaine's hallway. Kramer and Elaine are sizing the space under the door.]

Kramer: I think we are looking half a millimeter.

Elaine: Can it cut that thin?

Kramer: Oh, I’ve cut slices so thin, I couldn’t even see them.

Elaine: How did you know you cut it?

Kramer: Well, I guess I just assumed.

Funny.

A life coach once said to me

“Aleisha you are self sabotaging your own success and happiness…get over it,”

Yeah yeah, I know ‘life coach’ sounds wank but, I was in a rut and I needed a kick up the arse.

I like that a trained specialist used the term, ‘get over it’. It worked. I soon stopped being a negative Nelly and moved on. Well, this weekend I reverted a little to my self sabotaging ways, I  attempted to back peddle and I fear missed an opportunity. I don’t really want to get into what I did or didn’t do, or how I behaved but I will say I had one of those moments where I ran instead of sticking around and that isn’t much like me. As the cultured might say, C’est la vie. I say fuck it. Fuck it big time.

Anyway I shall move on……really I am annoyed with myself though.

Thanks to some nice networking and help from Mel and The Princess, tomorrow I am starting a 4 week contract working at a TV network. Freelancing is always risky, you never know when you are going to be offered a job but as luck had it I got a call after lunch on Friday offering me a gig starting Monday. Yay I shall be eating this week!

I have to find something that fits the corporate clothing style…. do you think Black Converse might be ok? Nah, I shall dress like a right proper lady.

I picked up the handbag on Saturday. It is lovely and the leather smells rich and wonderful. It’s already a bit dirty. Bum.

At the café with Princess Nicole I took it out of the special dust bag, some ladies stared at it,

“Get used to it babe, everyone will look at that bag, now we just need to get you some big sunglasses,” The Princess noted.

“Yeah, I might clear the monstrous debt of the credit card before buying a pair of glasses that shortly after purchasing, I will loose or sit on them in an unfortunate circumstance,”

“Babe it’s all about the look, the boys will come flocking,” she points at the bag.

“Yeah babe, whatever, I’m over it” I said all mopey like.

“Leish babe, that’s pathetic, that bag will get you a shag,”

 
Interesting theory